Keep Calm and Carry a Big Drink by Kim Gruenenfelder

Author:Kim Gruenenfelder [Gruenenfelder, Kim]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Contemporary Women, Humorous
ISBN: 9781250005045
Google: nTOFAAAAQBAJ
Amazon: 1250005043
Barnesnoble: 1250005043
Goodreads: 17286727
Publisher: Macmillan
Published: 2012-12-31T18:30:00+00:00

THIRTY

The wedding reception continued the magic until midnight. The food was amazing, the drinks top-notch, and the best part? I did not once have to dance Gangnam style, point to my ring finger to Beyoncé, or try to get through the Electric Slide.

At one point, Jay requested “Wonderful Tonight,” which became our last slow dance of the night. But even that could not compete with the joy of watching Seema dance the samba with Jeff. Halfway through the song, she pulled off her strappy heels and tossed them to me, then danced with abandon.

I think at least once in every wedding, the bride should dance with abandon. There are so many wonderful yet solemn moments: the first dance, the father-daughter dance, sometimes a mother-son dance. Sometimes you need a little Santana and that Matchbox Twenty guy, whose name escapes me, to really let loose.

Seema and I madly texted Nic back and forth all night, but unfortunately she was still in early labor, so we had no news.

Those of us who know how to close a party (and Seema knows how to close a party) had a final toast of champagne about midnight, then retired to our rooms to launch a few intimate soirées of our own.

Which Jay and I did for quite a romantic while.

The room is now silent, millions of floors away from the Sturm und Drang of the city below. I rest in Jay’s arms and stare out the window overlooking the glittering lights of Los Angeles.

Jay whispers in my ear, “Penny for your thoughts?”

I could have gone romantic. Or sexy. Maybe even playful. Instead, I went with the truth. “I’m just wondering where the expression hit that came from.”

Jay doesn’t answer, so I sit up and turn around to face him. “You know, like, when guys point to a girl and ask their buddy, ‘Did you hit that?’ ‘Would you hit that?’ ‘Are you gonna hit that?’ Who was the first douche bag to come up with that? It’s such a violent way to express what can be a very tender and spiritual act.”

Jay sits up. He looks sleepily at me in the dark. “Is that really what you’re thinking about right now?”

“Yes,” I say to him with some urgency. “Now the expression bagging a bridesmaid—that kind of makes sense. One could argue that if you seduce the woman between two sheets, it’s sort of a makeshift bag. And while the idiom tapping that ass is crude, it could be construed as being akin to tapping a maple tree for syrup, or a keg for beer: one is extracting a kind of nectar, if you will. Graphic, but descriptive.”

“Is my jaw dropped?” Jay asks quietly, then says almost to himself, “I feel like my jaw should be dropped.”

“Bone obviously refers to the—”

Jay interrupts me by gently putting his hands up to my cheeks and giving me a kiss. It is a nice kiss, soft and romantic. I allow my thoughts to take five while I breathe in the scent of his cologne and enjoy the warmth of his body.

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